


My Sugar Daddy Bolkonsky

by Screaminglouder



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy, Voyná i mir | War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Sugar Daddy, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Lemons, M/M, Rare Pairings, Smut, Sugar Daddy, the smut and relationship will happen in chapter 2, this is written like an actual fic, which is bad bc I can’t write, yeet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-06-01 13:32:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15144149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Screaminglouder/pseuds/Screaminglouder
Summary: How bad could it be? All you have to do is send nice pics of your hot body that gave off subtle Dora The Explorer vibes (all the rage in porn.). Easier than driving everyone around and getting no pay.~~Or, the sugar daddy au we needed.





	1. Chapter 1

Balaga opened his phone. He was extremely broke at the moment, which couldn’t possibly be because he was a college student, or because he didn’t get paid for his job. Whatever the case, his card literally declined on a singular  
thing of ramen. He needed money, stat. 

Balaga’s (only) friend, Anatole, suggested getting a sugar daddy. “There’s, like, an app for it. It’s like, totally called like, “Sugary Sweet”. It’s totally kinda like Tinder, except, like, totally solely for sugar daddies and babies. You like, totally need to try it. That’s like, totally how I met my bf, Daddykhov.” 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

...yeah, Anatole was a weird cookie.

How bad could it be? All you have to do is send nice pics of your hot body that gave off subtle Dora The Explorer vibes (all the rage in porn.). Easier than driving everyone around and getting no pay.

Anyway, that’s how he ended up here: scrolling through his so called “Daddy Feed”, looking for someone he could use for money. He was bored and wasn’t paying much attention.

Then he saw it: the diamond in the rough, a god among men, his soulmate in an otherwise boring feed. The alluring powdered wig, the sexy bod that could bring any coherent man to his knees, the fire burning in his furious eyes, the seductive wrinkles on his forehead- he was truly perfect. 

Reluctantly, Balaga tore his eyes of his enticing bod and read his bio. “SHUT UP MARY!!!” It brought a tear to his eye. Such poetry and grace was rare in humans. He quickly pressed yes.  
The screen glowed. “Congratulations, You and Old Daddy Bolkonsky are a match! Start Chatting?”  
Balaga clicked yes faster than an Olympian running from wasps. His highschool gym teacher would be proud.

—————

-Balagay has started the chat.

 

Balagay: hey handsome. how much are you willing to pay for this dora-reminiscent bod ;)

[A couple of well placed compliments and subtle negotiations later, they had settled on a price of 3 Dora episodes for each nude.]

Balagay: oh, i can work with that sweetie. we can meet up at mcdonalds and see it in person. trust me, once im done with you you’ll know the real big mac. ;)

Old Daddy Bolkonsky: Oh hell yes.

—————

Balaga sipped his Fanta. He was waiting for the mysterious and alluring Bolkonsky. Were his wrinkles as sexy in person? Oh god, Balaga hoped that it would be.  
Suddenly, the door opened and a short old man strutted in muttering about “Where are my glasses...” and “Fucking Mary...”

He looked up a stared directly into Balaga’s eyes.  
Oh yes.  
It was him.


	2. my notes app is scarred

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short chap but I wanted this out of my damn notes. enjoy dipshits

Bolkonsky sashayed up to Balaga, hips swaying and his wangalong, as far as Balaga could tell through his leather walugi pants, was bigger than the authors regret, which was impressive.

“Hello Balagay,” he whispered. “You wanna have some fun? This place may be where guns get shoved up asses and where fedrey has fun, but it ain’t exactly what I had in mind. For you I’m going all out.~” After this Bolkonsky twerked and got very close to him.

“Oh fuck yes” Balaga moaned, sealing his fate as a sacrifi- I mean lover to the old man.

As this was transpiring, the traumatized bartender watched from the sidelines. He had seen his fair share of odd things -seriously, what was the gun thing?- so this wasn’t anything new. He truly would have quit about 4929836393654444227 years prior but Satan, his boss, paid him well to deal with all the weird fuckers fucking weirdly. He sighed deeply. If only he didn’t have to pay rent...

 

Back at our intrepid protagonists, they walked into the backroom of the McDonalds sipping tea and clutching each other’s asses. 

Bolkonsky tugged him along until he arrived at a deep underground tunnel, unknown to all.   
“W-what is this Daddy-Chan?”

The old mans face grew sinister, which was only making Balaga’s wangalongadongbabonglanoggongbadok even harder.  
“This, fair Balagay, is my spicy tower of doom and shenanigans.”


End file.
